Friends don't let friends Drink and Dial
by astronomysnap
Summary: When Brittany gets drunk and calls Santana, there is NO telling what is going to come out of the blond's mouth. Brittana version of my Drunk Dialing Fic.  Please Review :


So, Because I got such good reviews from the Puckleberry verson of "Drunk Dialing" I figured I would make a Brittana one.  
Mainly because I figured Brittany would be fucking adorable as a drunk.

If you like this story, please go read the Original Puckleberry one.  
I will also be taking requests if you would like to see a fic of your favorite glee character leaving Drunk messages.

Just give me who you would like to see Drunk, and who you would like to see them call. I will do any ship, even If I don't ship them

(Even Wemma. and I'm not a fan of Wemma. Or Will, for that matter.)

Please Review! (:

DISCLAIMER: If I owned Glee, do you really think there would be Finchel and Bartie goin on? Negative.

* * *

Santana Lopez hated mornings and everything they stood for. She hated having to wake up at five AM to go to Cheerio's practice. She hated having to listen to Coach Sylvester yell at her for her tits, or the fact that she had the tendency to look up the other girls skirts and loose focus on the task at hand. She hated the sound of her alarm, and the empty kitchen that delivered her no food from her mother.

She just really hated it all.

Today was no different. When she got to Cheerio practice, she noticed that Brittany wasn't there. Coach just yelled at Santana for it, telling her that maybe she should keep her best friend in check.

She was probably lost in the forest looking for fairies or something.

It would be like that time Britt went off to find the leprechaun at the end of the Rainbow. Santana looked for her Blond bestfriend for hours until she found her curled up in fetal position rambling on and on about Edward Cullen and his family trying to suck her blood.

Santana loved Brittany, probably more than anyone would understand, but god she could be dumber than nails sometimes.

Santana turned on her cell phone (Coach makes them turn it off and pretend theyre technologically illiterate, whatever that means, when theyre at practice. Except for the flame throwers and cannons, they have to know how to work those or else someone could loose their eyebrows… again) to see that she had eight voicemails and a text.

They were all from Brittany. Santana typed in her passcode, which was the numerical version of pierce (Shutup), and hit play on the messages.

**"New Message, sent lastnight at 7:30 PM**

**I was watching TV today, and they were talking about skdooing into a painting. So I tried it. But I broke the painting. And I hurt my head. Also the wall.**

In the show they get to talk to salt and pepper shakers too. And a shovel.

**I have to go. My cat wants to play beer pong with me. I don't know why, but he is always winning."**

Santana looked at the phone for a minute. What the hell. How could a human be so fucking cute and so fucking retarded at the same time?

Not that Santana had feelings for her or anything, but she really just wanted to give Brittany a hug… And a stuffed Blues Clues animal… Also the Salt and Pepper people too…

Maybe they had one that could talk to her, like the Woody doll Brittany loved to have conversations with.

**"New Message. Sent yesterday at 8:14 PM**

My cat beat me.. I think he's out to get me. Like the Vampire in the forest.

All I wanted was to find the gold, San. So I could buy you nice things. Cause I know you like nice things. And I like you."

What even. Brittany S. Peirce was seriously the sweetest person ever.

Santana didn't understand how someone as terrible as her could have a best friend like Brittany. She really didn't deserve her, but she loved her. They loved eachother.

Santana smiled (Which was something only Brittany could make her do,) and pressed the next button.

"**New Message, sent yesterday at 8:45 PM**

Santana, do you have the number for ? I need to ask him something about my teeth.

Like, why do they hurt so bad when I drink cold things.

Today I pet a monkey. It's name was Cheeky and he sat on the shoulder of a kind old man. I gave him five dollars and got to take a picture with Cheeky.

**I wish I had some flowers right now."**

Santana couldn't tell if Brittany was drunk, or just acting normal. She was going from topic to topic pretty quickly.

That usually happened with Brit, but not that fast. Unless she was drinking Smirnoff (Green Apple Smirnoff, to be exact. It was brittany's favorite, Santana once stood outside the store for two hours until someone bought her some for her friend. It was the right thing to do, Brittany deserved it.)

Santana sat down on her bed and hit the next button,

**"New Message, sent yesterday at 9:32 PM**

**In light of being the most talented person in the glee club, I think I should sing to you a song.**

…**.**

**Santana I don't remember the words. Theres just so many lyrics. I was going to sing that one we sang at kurts mom and finns dad's wedding… or wait… was it wedding? …. Or maybe Puck and Rachels….**

Well… That wedding. The one where I sang with Artie, but I should have sang with you because you're my bestfriend and I love you and I want to get married to you and I want to be your best friend forever and I want to braid your hair and put little flowers in it and I want to smell your perfume all the time.

….

That was a lot of words I just said.

…**.**

**Zac Efron is really hott"**

Santana couldn't even collect her thoughts together after that last message. It had all come out in a long slur of words, like a giant run on sentence. She hadn't taken but one breath between the words (somewhere in betweet I want to get married and I want to braid your hair.)

If Rachel Berry had been witness to what Brittany had just said, she would have slapped her with a thesaurus, or whatever the fuck it was that teaches you how to punctuate, or whatever.

Also, Brittany was right, Zac Efron is really hot. (But not as hot as Brit. Shut up.)

"**New Message, Sent yesterday at 10:12 PM**

**I tried to go to sleep but I had a dream that I was Harry Potter, only a girl.  
But Voldedore, I think that's his name, he wanted to steal my cookies, because they were magical cookies…**

So I was hiding from him in the girls bathroom, because guys cant go in there.

Then I woke up. And when I looked at my forhead, there was a mark there from my hand in the shape of the moon. So I think I'm turning into Harry Potter, the girl."

Santana hit the save button, she wanted to keep that message forever because it was fucking cute.

First of all, Voldedore… Could you GET any cuter than that? And Magical cookies? Holy shit, Santana just wanted to marry this girl…. Or something like that.

Three more messages.

It felt like a game of, "What will Brittany say next?"  
Santana was really enjoying this game.

**"New Message, Sent yesterday at 11:01 PM**

**If I were a Disney princess, which one would I be?**

I think I would want to be Rapunzel. Because her hair is really long and pretty. And People can Climb it, without it hurting her head.

That is seriously amazing. If you tried to climb my hair, Santana, I would get a headache."

Brittany was a Disney princess, she was Santana's Disney princess. Santana, however, could never admit that.

She was the female version of Noah Puckerman, and although he was pretty damn content on being pussy whipped by Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez would not be acting like a little bitch any time soon.

It didn't even matter though. Because Santana was not a lesbian and neither was Brittany. Maybe.

When they made out it did feel really good… And Brittany was about the only person who actually knew the real Santana.

Fuck life. Why was her brain acting so weird?

Why was this tiny dancer making her brain act so fucking weird…

Next Message.

**"New Message, sent yesterday at 11:55 PM**

I think the Cullens are back. They want my cookie. Bitches can't have it. I hate Vampires. Why do people think they're cool?

They sparkle. That's stupid, unless you're Kesha. Then it's okay. Or me. Sometimes I like to sparkle."

Santana couldn't even think straight from all the adorableness coming out of the Blond's mouth. So she just hit the next button and let the final message play.

"**New Message. Sent today at 12:34 AM**

**Santana I wanted to let you know that I think you're really pretty. Like a supermodel.**

I think you should smile more. Because your smile is pretty. And you sing pretty too.

**Im glad you love me and deal with my stupidness cause I know sometimes I can be stupid.**

I wish I was smarter so you would love me more but it's okay."

Santana felt like a tear was about to fall down her face. Firstly because Britt thought so highly of her. Secondly, because Britt thought she was an idiot.

Sure, she was pretty stupid sometimes, but the things that came out of her mouth made everyone love her all the more.

She believed in Santa. She didn't notice that Becky was different from everyone else. The girl tried to jump into a painting, and save cookies from the evil Voldedore.

Brittany was perfect. She was everything that everyone in the world should be. She was kind, and happy all the time. She cared about people more than anyone else could. There was no evil in her life. No hatred in her heart.

That made Santana love her all the more.

The last message was the Text. Santana had saved that till the end to see what it said.

**"Santana. I luv u. I 4got 2 tell u that I think.  
Ur my favrit person. I want to take u to bredstix  
we can hav moar lady kisses.**

**Oh nd im glad I ddnt drink 2nite. Cuz then I Wuldnt of stayed up 2 leave u msgs.**

Luv Brittany."

Santana smiled, picked up the phone, and called her bestfriend to tell her how much she meant to her, and how much she would love to go to Breadsticks with her (also that she would love the lady kisses.)

They were perfect for eachother, and it took nine messages to make Santana see that clearly. She never wanted to let Brittany go.


End file.
